How are you spending your day?
It’s election day, did you notice? When I planned this newsletter, I first wrote “leaves” for the topic for today. I don’t think that cuts it, though. I know I can’t focus on leaves today. Or at least, not just on leaves.
I’ve been pondering shame and guilt a lot. Two of my relationships have been strained this election season not by being on different sides, but by shame over not doing “enough.” As a recovering martyr-type and a person with invisible disabilities, I’m fairly immune to this type of shaming. However, my ability to comfortably set boundaries around my capacity to give is a hard-won skill, so here are a few thoughts in case they help.
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If you vote, that is enough. If you gave what you had the capacity to give, that is wonderful. If Trump wins, you are not responsible for that outcome--people who voted for Trump are. If Harris wins, your vote entitles you to celebrate. No one needs to do a certain amount of work to deserve compassion when they feel sorrow or fear. No one needs to earn their happiness.
This is a newsletter about how our little gardens can help save the world, but I want to be very clear that none of us individually shoulders the weight of saving the world, and no one is failing when they don’t have the capacity to give.
If you are worried that you will wake up tomorrow and wish you had done more, please let that worry go. You deserve to feel what you feel about the election without shame. You deserve to rest and make space to enjoy your life. You deserve to sit in the garden without guilt.
OK, so now that I’ve shared those thoughts, what exactly will I be doing with myself today? How do I plan to make space for feeling and rest? How do I plan to entertain an energetic five-year-old while I just want to obsessively check my phone or stare blankly at the wall?
Observe:
Observe anything outside! Really, anything to focus your attention on the natural world around us instead of the election. Personally, I recommend squirrels. Kids and adults will happily watch squirrels, so no one will yell that they are bored. And the thing is, the squirrels do not care one little bit about our election. They have acorns to bury! They have dogs to yell at! They will lure a kid close and then twitch their tales just out of reach! Remembering all the creatures unconcerned with our human nonsense is the most grounding thing in the world to me.
You can also watch this ladybug emerge into the world! The Kid found the pupa on a leaf at our farmers’ market. Our park, which houses the market, tends to be well-trampled and overly manicured, so we brought the leaf home. We set it on the counter (our home is…wild? I think that’s a kind word for it) while we started making some muffins. I assumed we had time before anything happened.
Nope! I looked over and that guy was wiggling! The Kid and I frantically called my husband to join and we all ran to the backyard. There, we watched the amazing process of a ladybug emerging. If you aren’t familiar with the lifecycle of ladybugs, check it out here.
It looks white when it comes out because it takes them a few days to gain their color and spots. We gave the little one a cozy home under our blackberry bush.
Here are a couple other visitors to our yard the last two weeks:
Read:
We have a cozy reading chair in our living room. If I know we will be home for long stretches of the following day, I like to set out a few books in the chair. The Kid is not at all required to read these, and he is more than welcome to pick other books, but I find that the invitation is often helpful. We usually choose to read at least one of the books. Last night, I put out The Mysteries of the Universe (DK), Bear and Bird The Stars and Other Stories by Jarvis, and The End Is Just the Beginning by Mike Bender.
We are currently studying space and the formation of Earth in our homeschool, which is part of the spacey theme. However, I have also found studying the history of the universe to be an incredible counterweight to the election. I really can’t recommend Bear and Bird books enough. They are the sweetest, gentlest tales. We checked it out from the library and The Kid immediately told me I needed to buy it--big recommendation from my little guy.
I am reading Pema Chodron’s Welcoming the Unwelcome. I know this isn’t a groundbreaking recommendation, but it is the right one for the moment. I have read it before and I picked up a copy from the library a few weeks ago. I’ve been bringing it to breakfast each morning to read a little and then reading bits during the day when I can.
Do:
I can understand going into the woods or to the beach--somewhere dramatic and beautiful today. I think I am too anxious for these options, though. I want to be close to home and to see family and friends today. Today will be a day for the garden and the neighborhood park and maybe meeting up with friends if their voting plans allow.
I was about to share a big project today, but then a friend texted about how hard it was to wrangle the kids and make it to vote. If you haven’t voted yet, this probably isn’t the day for projects! Also, if you are actively volunteering or working today, today might be a survival day. I don’t want the project my family is doing to induce any guilt (see opening paragraphs!). Just getting through the day is a wonderful achievement!
Instead, I will suggest that today would be an amazing day for a walk through your neighborhood or a visit to your yard or park to look for how the bugs and animals are preparing for winter. Like the above ladybug, this can be a good time to find bugs squeezing in a big metamorphosis. You might see those squirrels burying their acorns. Rustle through the fallen leaves (if you live in a place with fallen leaves) and gently see who is in there.
The Kid likes to bring his bug journal and draw pictures of the special bugs he finds. Today would be a beautiful day to let each kid grab a notebook and pencil (or staple together some pages if you don’t have any notebooks) and begin recording. These dramatic seasonal change moments are often the best time to start a nature or garden journal for kids and adults. I challenge your family to keep going through winter. I believe nature journaling through fall and winter is a powerful way to change our relationships with the seasons, the cold, and dare I say it, life and death.
If you have already voted, today might be a good day for a big project. We’re going to be making seed paper today with wildflower seeds from our yard. Next week, I’ll share pictures and a full how-to. I’ll probably pop it up on IG today or tomorrow, too. But, if you want to fill your day today, the basics are to find a bunch of scrap paper. This could be a mix of newsprint and colorful paper. Use all those edges your kid left after cutting a tiny shape from the middle of the page that you have been saving but don’t know how to use. Smush them up really well with water. Mix with native plant seeds and then smash the whole mess into a screen or mesh colander. Allow them to dry, and viola, plantable paper!
Contemplate:
Today I am contemplating the bigness of the universe and the expanse of time to remember how small we are. I will make space to gaze at the moon tonight, even if it means putting my phone on silent. Did you know that the moon was made in a collision of Earth with another small planet? Part of that planet remained on Earth and part became the moon. I find this connection beautiful and reassuring.
I am also noticing the little things. I have already stood barefoot in my garden and touched the plants. Feeling the ground beneath my feet never fails to calm my nerves. But, I’m not actually trying for calmness. I no longer fight with my anxiety. I’m looking for places that can hold my anxiety with me. The garden can definitely hold some shaky nerves.
The last few elections, I chose to go to bed instead of anxiously watching the results roll in. I don’t know if I’ll be able to make that decision this year. My nerves might not allow it. But if I do stay up, I will be taking lots of time with my phone parked a safe distance away to watch silly TV, eat snacks, light a candle, pet my sweet old lady cat (who will be delighted that I am awake), gaze at the moon, and be thankful for my life just as it is.